Three Boys and a Crazy Lady

Here's my "7"

7 Things to do Before I Die:~

* Witness a live birth (I saw mine in a mirror LOL)
* Get my degree
* Buy a house
* Witness at least one boy graduate from college and get a job
* Take my boys to Africa and the south to learn get a real culture lesson
* Live out my dream (it's a secret shhhh)
* Find true peace and at least one daughter-in-law I like

7 Things I Can Do:~

*I can read a Stephen King novel in one day (speed reader here too)
* Play piano
* Understand science
* Figure out everyone elses life problems
* Stand up for myself and my kids regardless
* Inform stupid people they are stupid. Everyone else seems okay with just letting them be. No thanks.
* Admit when I messed up and even apologize. (but I never mess up)

7 Things I Can't Do:~

* Drive a tractor (always wanted to)
* Understand people who would rather watch tv than be outside
* Compromise my values for the "good" of the situation
* Stay skinny
* Give my kids false self-esteem
* Not pull my weight to prove a point. Even if everyone else is fucking up I have to pull my weight. Damn morals.
* Doubt God. Never ever ever is there ever anything that will make me doubt the Lord.


7 Things I say Most Often:~

*Oh good grief!! Enough Already!!
* I am going to count to three and if I have to even say one it's your butt.
* Gee ya think (to an idiot who realizes the obvious)
* I understand that upsets you but I don't care.
* Suck it up.
* Dr. Phil ain't got shit on me.
* Holy crap what an idiot. He must be from Missouri.


7 Celebrity Crushes:

*Stephen Baldwin (we have a long standing mental romance and I can't let it go)
* Almost all of the men from "Lost" (hey if Hope can have the "Desperate Housewives" clan I get this!!)
* 50 Cent
* Harry Connick Jr. (well all men with southern accents mmmmmmm)
* Shaq (Jonah actually thinks that is his dad..bad mommy LOL)
* Stone Phillips
* Benjamin Bratt (or is it Brat..hmm maybe I don't need another Brat in my house)

7 People I'd like to do This List:

Everyone who knows me!! Even the stupid people LOL

posted by Three Boys and a Crazy Lady @ 11:13 AM 3 comments

I Need To Complain Louder

I figured out all my problems on my drive to work today. My problem is that I just don't complain loud enough. It seems all the people who whine and complain and write into news/tv stations with their pity parties - score cool stuff.

Ty needs to come build me a cool house. It doesn't even have to be big. I just need a secret room where I can hide from the boys.

I think you run into a few people who truly have a tragic story and it's great that someone can help them out. But I have noticed lately, especially on message boards, that people are complaining about the basics of everyday life. They just add more steps or details to their everyday problem and suddenly they have a rash of support. You have an idiot couple who gets pregnant and has a kid. Everyone shakes their head. They can barely afford that kid and whine about being poor. THEN they turn around and get pregnant again. Everyone one again shakes their head and calls them all sorts of stupid. They give birth to a child with some problems and suddenly everyone is their best friend and they get cash, clothes, food etc. I don't get this. How does it make them less stupid??

I have three boys and basically I am limited to a job that can only be worked Monday thru Friday and must only be worked between the hours of 8:00am-5:00pm. There are tons of jobs out there that pay a lot more that I will never be able to apply for but I just feel that comes with the territory. I would never dream of going online (or in my real life) and making myself a victim because of the CHOICES I made in my life.

So back to my original topic. I need to complain more. I just sat back and looked at the big picture. I told my 4-year-old it was bedtime last night. We had already read a couple books and he asked me to tell him a story about my childhood. This must be a scene in "Home on the Range" because he has been watching that like it's crack. I told him I would love to tell him some stories tomorrow (now today) but right now it was bedtime and he already had his stories. Then he starts to complain - "But I don't know anysang about you. You NEBER tell me any stories about you. Why don't you want me to know." 20 minutes later he knows about my life stopping short of when I probably should have needed therapy.

But you know what the funny thing is?? I don't have enough energy to complain. It seems so exhausting to me. But then again I could always relax my exhausted body in my new 5,000 square foot house and if I got tired of that I could take a drive around the block in my brand new loaded Ford vehicle. Yeeahhhhh....Hey Ty...call me babe!

posted by Three Boys and a Crazy Lady @ 5:49 AM 2 comments

Happy Birthday to me...I'm old.

Yesterday I celebrated the big THREE OOH. I was pretty depressed about it at first. I am now 30 and 1 day and I feel the same as I did at 29 and 364 days. I guess it's not so bad. I can finally use lines like "those young kids" and call music "noise". I can now also get away with saying "back in the days when I was young...". Aaahhh the joys of being old.

I decided yesterday that I needed a mommy day. I got up early, got my boys ready for daycare and dropped them. Oh and I was still in my pajamas. I told daycare that I would be unavailable from around 10am to 1pm or so and if anything major happened - well just press firmly with a cloth. They got the picture.

I went home and got ready for my day. I was getting a manicure, pedicure and one hour massage. Let me just tell you - if I didn't have any kids, I would get this done A LOT!! It was nice to be pampered for once. The closest thing I've had to a massage was my 16 month old clawing my back in the middle of the night.

After I got done with everything I went home and hung out alone. I had argued with Jonah the night before about spending "my day" alone. He insisted I take him with me. I got annoyed and said "Why can't my day be about me???" He replied, "It can be about you. Well you AND me." Grrr men!! So then I told him MAYBE I would pick him up early and take him for ice cream. I picked him up a little into nap. I waited until almost 3pm hoping he would get a decent nap in. No go. They told me he barely had fallen asleep....niiiiiiccceeeeee *rolls eyes*. He was so happy I picked him up.

We went downtown to the ice cream shoppe and got our ice cream. We were sitting at a table looking at all the black and white pictures of famous people. It was so pleasant...a little something like this.

Jonah: He's dead right?
Me: Yeah
Jonah: She's dead right?
Me: Yeah
Jonah: That is a little kid but he grew up to be old like you are and died right?
Me: Yeah - hey wait did you just say I was old.
Jonah: Yeah.
Me: Thanks a lot!
Jonah: You are welcome. So he's dead right? *pointing to a different picture*

I finish my ice cream and continue the "dead people" conversation with Jonah. He then looks at me and says loudly. I must first say that Jonah has three volumes he speaks in "normal loud", "very loud" and "what the hell dude I'm sitting right beside you". This was "very loud".

Jonah: Hey mommy
Me: What sweetie, oh and you don't have to talk so loud.
Jonah Umm okay (still loud) did you know that farting is very natural and you have to let it out so you don't get sick?! It's not gross it's natural and you need to let your body do it.
Me: No you don't. You hold it until you can go somewhere alone.
Jonah: People do that?
Me: People with manners.
Jonah: Well I guess we can bof sank Jesus I have no manners.

****sigh****

We finally left the ice cream store and went to the toy store to get him a toy...you know for "our" birthday. Overall it was a great day. But can I just say - back in the days when I was kid, you didn't talk about farting in the ice cream store!!!

posted by Three Boys and a Crazy Lady @ 9:18 AM 1 comments

Do I Parent Correctly??

I was on the computer last night and a friend I haven't talked to forever came online. We im'd each other confirming that we both were still alive. I guess picking up a phone in today's world would be too much like right.

One of the first things I said to her was "After three kids you really don't know anything about parenting." My friend was quiet and then said, "Please don't tell me that." Aaahh me and tact go hand in hand. She was about to tell me she is pregnant with her second child. I then had to backup and explain to her why she would actually know how to parent since it was only her second kid.

When you have your first child you really are an idiot. You wonder stupid things while others wonder how you are keeping your child alive. Their first birthday is really more a celebration for you, not because your baby is entering toddlerhood, but because your baby lived an entire year - in your care. By the second kid you are pretty good. You hear a cry, quickly assess the situation and have a happy baby. Then by the third child you are so convinced your kids are out to kill you that all rational thinking and parenting skills have flown out the window.

My oldest son is on vacation with my parents for a couple weeks so it is just me and the other two. I put the middle boy to bed early last night. He didn't have a nap and is a total bear in daycare if he doesn't get enough zzzs. I put the youngest into bed. For some wild reason I decided instead of nazi parenting the baby, I would do attachment parenting. I will admit he is the most laid-back of all three boys. So I put him in my bed and I get onto the computer (which is in my bedroom). He was fine at first and then he was crying and fussing and whining. I would calmly say "Lay down please". This went on for a long time. I finally went over to him....okay well did you know that if your child drinks 24 ozs of milk in a 2 hour time frame - they will pee out of their Huggies overnights and drench their pajamas.

If this had been my first child I would have immediately ran to him on the first cry, got him a new diaper, fresh jammies and snuggled him while apologizing for being an idiot. My second child would have been tended to after a couple minutes minus the apologies. Poor poor forgotten third child....after an hour I finally got him a fresh diaper, didn't bother with clean jammies (just left him naked) and left him with a "Now go to sleep".

I have a lady coming over tonight who is conducting a study on toddler safety in the home. I'm glad this isn't for a grade. I'm pretty confident I would fail. With my first child there were outlet covers, door knob covers, removal of tables, no uncovered cords, follow closely behind anytime he walked on a hard surface and offered a huge ice pack and cookie to any tiny bump because *I* should have prevented that. My second child got outlets covers and cuddling for injuries because I felt bad not doing a full-blown safety check. Aaah but the third. Nothing is covered, removed or secured. I have figured out exactly which stance or movement will cause them to fall off a high object. I have used the line "If you put that in your mouth and choke and die mommy will be very mad." Did you know that a child can get shocked just by pressing their finger down hard on an outlet?!?! The wonders. Soooo I guess this lady will assess my home and offer me free home safety supplies. I really hope it's nothing my older boys can injure each other with.

posted by Three Boys and a Crazy Lady @ 7:17 AM 1 comments